When asked "Did you get what you asked for Christmas?" I feel as though I have become so harsh and cynical. My immediate response is "We had a great Christmas with our families, and our boys are healthy (relatively) - it was great!" While inside, all I can think is "No, I did not get what I wanted. I want two physically healthy boys. I don't Isaac to endure surgery, I don't want him to struggle to gain weight. I don't want Eli to have to ask if food has soy, egg, or dairy in it. I don't want to have to make sure that I am not putting more emphasis on Isaac's condition and Eli feeling left out. I don't want to have to advocate to health care providers to the extent that I am physically sick on my children's behalves. But, these are all things we do. I could go on, and on, and on with stories of the last year (mainly), but in the end - we are where we are. We are here for a reason. Ryan and I may not know the answer as to why we are here, but God does. And, I firmly know that we are here in this place, at this time for a distinct purpose. And, while I have spent my fair share of time wallowing and questioning recently, I was reading a friend from high school's blog, and it hit me squarely between the eyes. All of the time that I am spending questioning, asking why, and fearing the future - I am forgetting the most important thing of all. Where is my praise to God for blessing us with these two HILARIOUS, precious, innocent, loving, caring, boys? I was quickly reminded that I need to accept the blessings daily that God has given, and be present at all times with Ryan, Isaac & Eli. Never take a day for granted, live in the moment - don't wish them away.
Happy New Year!
Very nicely said
ReplyDelete